To start off a post which is entitled confessions, I should admit that the photo above is not mine. It actually belongs to bastet in the sky with diamonds, but I like it very much, and it sort of sums up how I feel right now – a little gloomy but still cozy…

Many of the posts over the last week or so have been pre-scheduled posts, written in moments when I have time to crank out a post or two. Usually they contain few, if any words, which is actually why using the term “written” in this context is a bit of a stretch.

November has been incredibly busy, with many stresses and concerns…

My brother Zion had been experiencing some health problems, and was diagnosed with postconcussive syndrome. He’s doing well, it’s just that it’s causing him to re-evaluate what is actually important right now, and he’s having to leave football behind him, at least for now.

My brother Jared is getting ready to leave for college, and that’s definitely a bitter sweet thing for me at this time. I’m happy that he’s going into this particular school, but I hate changes, and I hate to have another brother leave home.

The poor economy has taken it’s toll on our family businesses, and while we have yet to be in need, it’s sometimes stressful to think about the times to come.

My grandpa has been in very poor health for much of this month, and the last few months. He has been fighting pneumonia, congestive heart failure, and a yeast infection in his lungs… he recently was told that he has small spots of cancer on his lungs, and is losing blood very consistently, though his doctors are uncertain as to what is causing this.

A few years back, he was diagnosed with colon cancer, and had several feet of colon taken out. Now he’s experiencing the same symptoms again, and the doctors suspect more colon cancer. He was scheduled for a colonoscopy yesterday, but woke with angina pains and was taken to the hospital by ambulance…

Grandpa has suffered two heart attacks since being taken to the hospital early Wednesday morning, and is now scheduled for emergency bypass surgery in the morning. His heart is so weak that there’s only a slim chance that he will come out of the surgery. In fact, Grandpa’s regular heart doctor refused to do it, and only one doctor at Missouri Baptist in Saint Louis would agree to perform the surgery.

Grandpa’s body is too weak for the colonoscopy now, and for the moment the hospital is mostly focusing on making him comfortable.

My brother Caleb is flying in from Maryland tomorrow morning, and my parents, along with Jared and Zion, and Dan and I and the girls are leaving at 4am tomorrow in order to get to the hospital and see Grandpa before his surgery.

I spoke to Grandma this afternoon, and it nearly broke my heart to hear her sobbing on the phone. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone who has been, for so long, nearly your entire life. Even with all this going on, Grandma is worried about what we’re going to do for Thanksgiving (it’s always at their house) and assures me that she will cook everything, but thinks that maybe it would be best if everyone ate Thanksgiving dinner at my house. It’s so like her to be concerned that we all stay well fed and carry on with the usual traditions, and not be bothered with little details like the fact that Grandpa is quite likely on his deathbed.

So, back to the confessions part… I sometimes find that life is just a little too complicated to attempt to write about. While I post pictures of the girls doing fun and cozy things, there’s been a lot going on behind the scenes here, and not much sign that things are going to slow down just yet. I think that life may overwhelm us for a while, and I can’t promise that I’m going to be posting all that frequently for a week or so, though I hope to keep up with my clusters of scheduled posts as much as I am able.

Now I’m rambling again. As Kinsley says, “Perhaps I am done”.


2 thoughts on “Confessions

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